Monday, 18 March 2013

Joy. Discovery. Invention.

During a wander round the supermarket choosing food for me, drinks for me and clothes for me, all I saw was parents arguing with tired toddlers, grumpy couples marching down the aisles and single people. None of the single people looked particularly stressed or hurried. That's one of the beautiful things about being single: no one can rush you and everything is your own choice. It's the one time when being selfish is completely acceptable. You don't need to compromise, you don't need to constantly check in with someone and you don't need to worry. If you want to eat cake for breakfast then no one is going to stop you!

Why am I writing this unusually personal post? Well, I had a moment of clarity. This moment was the result of a combination of things: excellent advice from best friends; the realisation of my own self-worth and the acceptance that sometimes I just make terrible choices. Everyone is entitled to make bad choices as long as you are able to recognise them before it impacts too heavily on you. It took me until the grand old age of 20*cough cough* before I actually realised that if someone doesn't make an effort or isn't too bothered about you then you shouldn't waste any more time hoping that they might eventually change or that they'll suddenly realise you're actually pretty damn good. Too late. If someone doesn't make you happy then don't bother.

Getting together with someone shouldn't involve constant questioning or wondering if they like you. If they like you then it should be obvious. If you have to figure it out then they probably haven't even figured it out themselves. 'Too busy' actually means 'not all that bothered'. It shouldn't be difficult. All of the people I know who are with someone that they consider to be 'the one' haven't had to question things. It just happened naturally.

Of course there are some downsides to being single. Everyone needs a cuddle sometimes. Luckily, I have a collection of super cuddly friends. In the meantime, I'll continue to enjoy my life, look forward to the trip of a lifetime (hello Thailand!) and work my socks off to get further in my career. The rest can wait until someone awesome comes along to convince me otherwise.

I wish I'd realised this a couple of years ago so thought I'd share and (maybe) save another girl all the trouble of settling for things which don't work. Enjoy independence, selfishness and silliness!

Don't settle.

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